So, you’ve taken the plunge? You’ve finally decided that the ‘Pay Now’ button needed pressing. After days, weeks, possibly months, you’ve finally decided this is a way forward for you. Congratulations, you are on the way to dolly heaven!
But now, you find yourself wondering just what you’ve really let yourself in for. Save for the seemingly obvious nights of passion, what you’ve actually done is let another person into your life, albeit artificial, who will still need care and attention, somewhere to live, somewhere to sleep and something to wear, as well as the multitude of shoes that so many girls aspire to owning and the inevitable storage space requirements.
As us men are visual creatures and we gain significant pleasure in what we see, it’s logical to say that visual stimulation had an overwhelming effect on your final (and wise) choice of girl? It’s similarly logical to presume you’d like to keep your investment in tip-top condition just as any new home owner would do.
So now, whilst waiting for your dream girl to come knocking on your door and whilst questioning the reason for your ever shortening finger nails, it’s really time to do a little research into just what could keep your girl happy and content.
First and foremost, she will need attention, especially if she is to be more than an ornament. I’m pretty sure you didn’t buy her to be a lifeless object did you? You can give her attention by dressing her, applying makeup, photographing her etc., so now is a great time to choose some clothes, shoes, trainers, earrings, necklaces and possibly a half decent camera to capture those dirty looks she gives you when you trip over her feet (an event which could well have you apologising profusely or, depending on your temperament, an accusation of her deliberately trying to seek your attention).
There are a number of forums on the internet where you can ask key questions and you will find that the majority of members are very keen to ensure that your first experience of inviting your dream girl into your home goes without a hitch, so do take the time to ask questions and get advice from others who have taken the same plunge into dolly heaven that you yourself are rapidly approaching.
OK, you’ve read this, and that means you are a few more minutes closer to that all important, heavy breathing courier knocking on the door. But that’s likely a week or two away if you have only just clicked on that special ‘launch’ button. However, if the tracking information has updated and you keep pressing the refresh button in persistent anticipation, you know that arrival is imminent, so clear away the dirty dishes and grab some scissors and a large glass of water, as extricating her from the box can be quite a laborious undertaking. Believe me, once you’ve opened the box, you won’t be in a rush to leave the room for anything.
What, she’s not coming until tomorrow? Ah, well, in that case, keep yourself busy with little jobs, such as that out of reach spiders web that continues to acquire random airborne fluff, clean the windows (you’ll be able to see the courier van clearly heading your way), or finally complete that minor paint job you’ve been putting off for months, possibly years. When your girl gets here, you’ll only be putting those jobs off for even longer as, I guarantee, your attention will be somewhat diverted. Do stick with the smaller jobs though, as you won’t be able to concentrate long enough to complete any larger jobs.
This is not a dream, you really did click on the ’Pay Now’ button, and it won’t be long now before she will be sitting there in front of you, fixated by your disbelieving gaze and revelling in your awe of her.
Be careful though. Your friends and work colleagues will notice a change in you, so be prepared to give a creative reason for your knowing smile and unusually positive outlook. This could happen well before she actually arrives!
She’s on your doorstep? Ah, right, great. After having explained to the courier that you collect dinosaur bones for a hobby, he or she should leave you to unpack your new found love. The waiting game is over. Enjoy, and most importantly, savour the moment!